September 5, 2012
If you were to strip
happiness to its bare essentials, revealing the nuts and bolts of its most
basic parts, you would be left with the schematics of a fundamentally happy
life.
But what would be included
in so basic a schematic of happiness? I suggest the following …
5 Necessary Traits to Happiness
1. Gratitude
No matter how you slice
it, a life without gratitude is a life without happiness. It is, perhaps, the
single most important trait to living a happy life.
The habitually grateful are thankful they have
feet even if they don’t have shoes. They are grateful for freedom even if they
also have poverty. They appreciate the day even if it rains and love that they
are still alive even if their bodies ache.
Ingrates, however, are the
opposite. They focus on what hurts and what’s out of place and what doesn’t fit
or looks awkward or is uncomfortable. The difficulty to happiness is that when
we’re so focused on the negative, we lose sight of what is beautiful.
The result is a very
dimmed sort of spiritual malaise that tarnishes what would otherwise have been
happy, good and wonderful.
2. Decency
We all want to think
we’re good people. To the
degree there’s a little evidence of the fact, we can feel pretty good about who
we are. To the degree the evidence is stacked against us, our happiness is
compromised because our character shines too darkly to hide it from view.
Who we are inside truly
matters to how we feel about ourselves. We care even if we pretend we don’t.
Even those who treat others with hate and disrespect, who live only for
themselves and take what they want from those who have it know in their hearts
that they are on a dark path.
And somewhere in their
hardened hearts, they feel crummy even if on the surface they don’t seem to.
The truth is that indecency never was happiness. But human kindness and
compassion and integrity always have been.
3. Personal Growth
Stagnant pools become
poisonous just as stagnant lives do. But a dynamic life of self-discovery
and personal improvement with constant education feels good.
Even if we have miles and
miles to go before we see anything particularly wonderful in the mirror, the
fact that we are moving in the right direction gives us a sense of
accomplishment, a sort of self-satisfaction. We know we are on the right track
and that is a happy feeling.
And while a life of
constant moral growth metaphorically kills two birds with one stone (see #2),
any growth will help. Overcoming a fear, pushing against a comfort zone,
challenging yourself physically or emotionally or mentally. Intellectual
development or spiritual improvement or even learning a new skill or picking up
a new hobby or honing an old talent can help as well. The point is to feel like
the life you’ve been given is being used well.
4. Meaning
A meaningless life can’t
be a happy one. It’s empty and barren. But a life filled with purpose and
meaning, one that makes you feel like you matter, that you’re leaving your little corner of the world a
little better than the way you found it is an essential ingredient to
happiness.
People passionate about
their work, about the family they hurry home to see, the service they render,
the faith they celebrate live meaningful lives that deeply matter to them. And
a purpose-driven life of passionate pursuits is a happy life indeed.
5. Friendship
We are social beings who
crave connection and attachment, to be heard and understood and accepted by
another person who cares. Not everyone has to love and appreciate us, but
someone has to. We need that. But in our Facebook and text message world of
digital connectedness, that deep-level connection is less obvious.
The point is not to hate
on all things digital and electronic. Technology has allowed me to reach out
across oceans to connect with people I never would have known before. It has
brought me here, to the shores of life. It has added one more person to the
list of people I care about and love and appreciate. And that’s a good thing.
Still, it’s vital that we
make time to spend with real people doing real things bonding in real time, touching, holding,
looking into eyes and feeling the pulse of their lives in the beat of our
hearts.
The Paint and Upholstery
of Happiness
Did you notice I said
nothing of external conditions? Did you notice I left out a wife who loves
sports and obedient kids and obedient husbands? There’s nothing about supermodel
looks or genius IQs or any other DNA-related advantages, in fact.
There is no need to live a
particular lifestyle or have a particular job or live in a particular house in
a particular neighborhood. Such things are not bad and can even enhance the
happiness of those already happy. They just can’t create what’s not already
there. It’s like the paint and upholstery of a car.
The nuts and bolts hold
all the parts together. Without them, everything falls apart. The paint and
upholstery improves the driving experience, but without them, the car still
drives. Without the traits described above, all the whistles and buzzers of
life will do little to provide us happiness.
The essential parts are,
in fact, essential. So go on walks and meditate and read inspirational material
or adopt a puppy. Such things will help buff the paint and condition the
upholstery of your life. Just be sure to remember to tighten the nuts and bolts
that hold it all together.
Afterthoughts
We
can place ourselves on a shelf and wait for someone else (a lover, a friend, a
boss, coworker or a parent) to come along and decide to pick us up, dust us
off, and do something happy with us. Or we can proactively construct a happy
life on our own (which, by the way, increases the likelihood that others will
want to tag along).
I
choose the latter.
How
about you?
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